19 September 2007

The Burden

I heard something interesting on Democracy Now the other day. The mother of one of the Jena 6 said that her son hadn't initially understood the meaning of the nooses hanging from the tree at the high school. When I first heard this, I was taken aback. How can any black person, especially a brother in the South, not know the significance of a noose?

After my initial shock, I realized this speaks to something I've wrestled with as both a black person and a mother of a black son. How much of our history, particularly the unpleasant aspects (i.e., those involving violence against us), should we force upon our children and the generations to follow? My reasoning is this: blackness in America, while something about which to be proud, is in many ways a burden. When you know too much, you carry an indescribable weight on your back. When you know too little, the rest of us want to kick your black ass and then shake some sense into you.

What will I tell my son? How will I tell my son? When will I tell my son? When will I tell my son that there was a time in this country that black men and women were punished for being black by being hung from a tree after ungodly atrocities were visited upon them? I don't know. But I will tell him. After that, it becomes a matter of degree. I don't want him to carry that burden. As humans, we all live with our burdens regardless of our race. My goal is to make my son's load as light as possible. He must know the past, but he needn't be so well-versed in our history that he is unable or unwilling to understand that his future isn't necessarily determined by it.

2 comments:

jb said...

"He must know the past, but he needn't be so well-versed in our history that he is unable or unwilling to understand that his future isn't necessarily determined by it."

Man, that is a well-stated point. As a father of a four-year-old, I know I can't protect my daughter from the reality of what some humans are capable of. But I want to. How to strike that balance is the tough part. She will learn about it all in time, but hopefully in due time and not before.

Drew said...

Wow, as a parent of obvious white children this hits home. I want to teach my kids about the problems of society, not to see color, gender, or anything ethnic, just who a person is and if they are good people or not regardless. I've got a large cross section of friends. My sister is still in Florida and didn't grow thinking the way I did (that color just is not a way to judge someone) and it makes me sad. She was shocked at the large population of black friends I had at my wedding and that frequent our family birthday parties, and whose houses we frequent for parties, etc. This means to me that her kids are taught to differentiate and think differently. We all know that the kids will learn bad words, hear bad things and in due time they need to know about those things and not behave that way. My son will be 3 in two weeks. He was looking on the internet at some ad this morning and he saw a little girl with darker skin in the ad (an ad for some foundation to help kids with cleft pallets spelling?). He said look at that girl daddy, she's cute, she's brown. I instantly wanted to say that it doesn't matter but at 3 he sees differences and it's not negative, it's what his eyes see. He's got the advantage of doing "reverse mainstreaming" in preschool with his sister to see kids of all disabilities, races, etc. and it's so good for him. I sure hope my kids learn to not ever think that color matters and to respect everyone for who they are. Especially the fact that each color has some pretty amazing things to offer and learn about for all of us. It's time for all of us to try and improve the world the best we can. Not let it slide backward again...